


God Gave Me You

by turningthepages



Series: He Wouldn't Be Gone [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adopted Children, Domestic, Family, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 19:02:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19235221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turningthepages/pseuds/turningthepages
Summary: Marriage is hard and sometimes even the best of couples hit a few bumps along the way. Cas and Dean are no exception. When Castiel forgets Dean's birthday and Dean decides to go on a two week trip, Castiel is left to think about just how much Dean truly means to him and their family.





	God Gave Me You

**Author's Note:**

> We've made it. This is the third and final part to this series. Make sure you read [He Wouldn’t Be Gone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11261616) and [Every Time I Hear That Song](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13178964) before this one. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's read and left comments on this series. I can't believe how well received it was and all the kindness I got from it. 
> 
> For those interested:  
> Dean age: 42  
> Cas age: 49  
> Claire age: 17  
> Ben age: 13  
> Emma age: 10  
> Jack age: 6
> 
> Cas and Dean have been together for 19 years and married for 14.

_I love my children,_ he thinks as they scream their heads off at each other for touching the other’s things. 

_I love my children,_ he thinks as they once again forget to take out the trash after he just worked a full day and it’s the second item on their chore list. 

_I love my children,_ he thinks as they slam their doors in his face after asking how their days went and wanting to know if they have any homework. 

_I love my children,_ he thinks as they tell him they hate him for not letting them sleep over at their friend’s house on a school night. 

He tries to not let it bother him, but it does. It always does. 

_I love my husband,_ he thinks as Cas rolls away from his advances, claiming to be too exhausted from the week—always too exhausted, never the right time. 

_I love my husband,_ he thinks as Cas forgets to put their only underwear into the dryer after Dean asked him to do it that morning. 

_I love my husband,_ he thinks as Cas barely kisses the corner of his mouth in a rush to get out the door—no hug, no I love you, just the thud of the door as he fails to make eye contact with his goodbye. 

_I love my husband,_ he thinks as Cas says nothing on his birthday... 

And neither do his kids. 

He feels lost. There’s no other word for it. 

He knows he has a good life—an amazing life, really—and that’s what it makes it so hard to acknowledge the sadness he feels inside him with each passing day. 

He doesn’t want to say that he’s unhappy. He’s not. Not really. If anyone ever questioned how much his family meant to him, he’d punch them right in their face because his family is his world, his reason for breathing. He loves his kids and his husband more than anything in the universe. He’d move heaven and earth for them in a heartbeat but… 

…sometimes he hates them too. Just a little. Just on days like these, fleetingly, yet there. It twists in his gut and makes him feel unworthy of the five beautiful angels in his life but it’s hard to tamper down the feeling of, _will I ever be good enough?_

He knows it comes with the territory, marriage is hard work and so is being a parent. There’s no way around either of those facts. Yeah, movies make it seem like you meet your true love and share a kiss, maybe hit a little bump in the road, but in the end, you make up and that’s it—fade to black, happiness for the rest of eternity. Only that’s not the way it goes. 

No one says that it takes an honest-to-god effort not to throw all of your loved one’s belongings out the window because they left a moldy dish under the bed, or the fact that sometimes, late at night you step in someone else’s pee because they’re too drunk to make it in the bowl (or they’re your child and just can’t make it into the bowl as it is). No one tells you that sometimes you hate the way your spouse chews and every word that comes out of their mouth makes you want to say very, very mean things in return. 

And kids? Don’t even get him started. He knew it was gonna be hard. Bobby always told him kids were there to eat your food and break your heart and, man, was he right. 

He and Cas knew they wanted kids right after marriage and wanted to foster to adopt. They understood that some children might come from traumatic backgrounds but they hadn’t known all their kids would. 

Claire had come into their lives first, a few years after they tied the knot. She was three years old and had been left alone after her mother was found after an accidental overdose. Claire’s biological father had been killed in the war before she was born. They adopted her a few weeks before she turned five. 

Ben came next. Only two when they’d officially made him a Winchester. His family members were unreachable after his mother’s passing in a car accident. He was too young to remember anything from that time. 

Not long after settling into their family of four, an emergency call had them welcoming Emma into their home. Her mother had been charged with first degree murder for the death of Emma’s biological father—she’d only been two months old. 

Jack was their newest addition, brought straight from the hospital, though his background wasn’t as dark as his siblings’. His biological mother, merely seventeen years old, had an illicit affair with a much older man, one who gleefully signed over his parental rights to keep his name washed of any connection to the scandal. 

Welcoming them into their lives, loving them—those weren’t the hard things. The finances the lawyers, the judges, the therapy, those were the things that made it challenging in those years they welcomed their kids into their home. 

But what was worse was the adults. Hearsay had friends of friends chiming in on their situation, “blessing their souls” for taking such “challenging children” into their homes. It seemed everyone and their uncle had an opinion on their kids and tried to make every bump in their character stem from their “past.” Or every small outburst a “characteristic from their biological parent.” 

Needless to say, a lot of people were cut out of their lives around that time. 

Parenting was still hard, even after all that. From tantrums and meltdowns, to sibling rivalry and screaming matches. Claire only listened seventy-five percent of the time, Ben had to be bribed to do any chores, Emma got in trouble at school nearly every other day, and Jack, that kid never stopped talking, not even in his sleep. 

And Dean loved them. Was head over heels, nothing could rival the way he felt, in love with his kids. 

He just wondered if his family loved him the same way in return. 

He never used to wonder those things and if he were being honest, those thoughts were new and infrequent. He could almost pretend they didn’t exist... almost. 

Sitting alone at his empty kitchen table, sipping at the coffee and nibbling at the breakfast he had to make for himself on his birthday, it was definitely harder to ignore that feeling now. 

Claire and Ben had long since ran out the door without so much as a goodbye on their way to school and Dean was almost dreading waking up his youngest two. Neither of them were exactly morning people, so it was inevitable they were going to be crabby and he just… he didn’t want to _deal_ with it today. 

He knew he shouldn’t care so much. It was just another birthday. He didn’t _need_ to celebrate another year and have all the hoopla and fanfare that goes with it. Those years had long since passed, and really, he’d grown to love the small birthday “surprise” breakfasts he’d gotten ever since Claire was new to their family. There was nothing better than snuggling up with his kids and his husband, even if it was just a few minutes before Claire and Ben started complaining and Emma and Jack started eating his food—but it meant everything to him.

Maybe it was an honest mistake? Maybe he’d gotten his days wrong? 

He checked his phone for the fifth time that morning to see the same date, January 24th, right at the top. 

He looked at the calendar right on their fridge and there, circled, with a little cake said “Daddy’s Birthday.”

It wasn’t like Cas to forget these things. Since the minute they became dads, something flipped in his husband. Where Castiel used to be some form of controlled chaos, he suddenly became a soccer mom—a calendar with birthdays, play dates, school performances, meal plans all listed out, always plain as day for the household to see. 

It’s why it aches a little to see his name written with little balloons all over but not even getting a proper hug from any of his family members. 

He tried to brush it aside and pretend he wasn’t bothered, but who was he kidding? 

Something was off and he couldn’t pretend anymore. 

He’s heard others talk about it but never believed it would happen to him. ‘Slump,’ ‘funk,’ whatever the hell people called it, he didn’t want it to be happening at all. 

They’d been through bumps before but nothing ever felt like this. Him, Cas, his kids—they weren’t meshing the way they use to and Dean couldn’t help but feel it was on him. What else could it be? He’d been tense and short tempered lately. Always demanding his kids do this and that—he’d been on their asses about everything and… he could lighten up. He should lighten up more. 

And… he hadn’t been as kind to Cas either. Bossing him around about helping out, being passive aggressive every time Cas didn’t do something Dean asked him to… 

Maybe he needed a break from the stress but more than that, as much as it stung to think about, he felt his family needed a break from him. 

He needed to do something about it.

If he could push his family away, make them so stressed with him that they’d forget his birthday, maybe he needed to give them some space. It wasn’t like they’d notice… 

He called the first person he knew could help. 

“Hey! Happy birthday! I was just about to call you. Do you feel old yet? Did the kids do something special for you this morning?” 

Dean nearly choked on his emotions. Sammy could remember his birthday but not his own husband? His own kids?” 

“Ha,” Dean said watery. “Hey Sammy. Uh—actually that’s what I’m calling about.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“You mentioned the two of us going up to Bobby’s cabin sometime, right?” 

“Yeah?” Dean felt guilty making his brother worry, but he needed this. 

“Can we go? Just me and you? A week or two, maybe?”

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

He was fighting the urge to roll his eyes as Dean talked to their kids. The truck was already loaded and ready to go, like he’d been planning this trip for months instead of the two days he’d given Cas as a heads up. 

It would have been too considerate of his husband to give Cas at least a week to prepare for the fact that he’d be singlehandedly taking care of their children for the next two weeks. Now he had to switch all his mornings around for the foreseeable future to get Emma and Jack to school just because Dean wanted to go camping on a whim. Not to mention having to get Ben to his music lessons, Emma to her dance lessons, and Jack to his play groups. 

Why could his husband not give him just a little more of a warning before leaving? 

“I’m going on a trip with Uncle Sam. I’ll be back in about two weeks.” 

“Okay?” Claire hardly bothered to look up from her phone, giving her dad a withering glare. If Castiel weren’t just as annoyed with Dean he might have reprimanded her for such a rude look but at that particular moment he was obliged to let it slide.

Jack was too sweet for his own good and crawled up in Dean’s lap with a curious look on his face. “Why daddy?” 

“Me and Uncle Sam want to take a road trip and go to the mountains for a little bit.” 

“Can I go?”

“No. You get to stay with Papa.” 

“But I wanna road trip.” 

Castiel tried not to grimace at the sound of Jack’s whine but he wasn’t about to cut in. If Dean was going to just leave them all, he was going to have to deal with their youngest’s cries. 

“I know, buddy. Next time though. I promise.” 

Dean slid Jack off his lap and planted a kiss on his head. “Promise you’ll be Papa’s helper when I’m gone?” 

“Yeah!” 

“That’s my little man.” 

With a smile Dean turned to their other kids, “You guys be good for Papa. I left a list of your chores on the fridge—oh and Ben the permission slip for the science museum is next to the coffee machine. There’s some food in the freezer you can all heat up for dinner. I put sticky notes with the instructions on them.” 

Not really wanting to hear Dean’s spiel about what they should and should not do while he was away, Cas cut in, almost too passive aggressively. 

“Dean, I think we’ll be fine. It’s two weeks.” 

Something in Dean’s features dropped for a second but it was gone before Cas could read it. “Right—yeah. Okay.” He turned back to the kids and started giving hugs, uttering ‘I love you,’ to each of them. 

“I love you daddy!” Jack shouted making Emma chime in with, “Me too! I love you most daddy.” 

It was only a few minutes and a few more hugs later that Cas was on the driveway with Dean, making sure the truck was packed up. 

Something felt awkward between them. Almost like Dean was itching to be away from him but… sad too? 

“I’ll—I’ll see you in two weeks.” Dean said, scratching at the back of his neck nervously. 

“Have a nice time.” 

The kiss was awkward when Dean leaned forward with a quiet, “I love you.” 

And as much as Cas’s heart still surged each time Dean said those words to him, he couldn’t muster up the energy to act like he was happy Dean was leaving his family for half a month. He still couldn’t just not say anything in return. No matter how annoyed he was, he’d always love this man. 

“Love you. Be safe.” 

Nothing else was said as Dean jumped in and pulled the truck into reverse. 

Cas just glared as it drove away. 

He hated himself for the part that was relived at Dean’s departure. Who could blame him though? 

Two weeks without dealing with Dean’s agitation. Without hearing about the trash or the dishes or the kids not doing their chores… or god forbid Cas leaving his laundry near the hamper. 

He realized at that moment just how much he needed this space from him.

* * *

* * *

He doesn’t want to boast. 

Okay, he kind of wants to boast because a few days in and it’s just been so easy. 

Now, he knows his kids don’t always act this way. They are hellions even on the best of days and Dean puts up with a _lot_ from them on a daily basis… but right now? They’re being angels. He’s had to get all four kids up and out the door every day, not to mention himself, and it couldn’t have been going smoother. It makes him feel a little smug knowing that even though the littlest ones are apparently terrors for Dean in the mornings, they haven’t caused any problems with him. 

He only just barely stops himself from texting Dean to let him know. It would be rude for one, and two, Cas is a little bitter that Dean didn’t ever let him know when he’d arrived. Granted, he doesn’t even know if Dean has service up there but he sure as hell isn’t going to be the one to reach out first. 

Instead he lets himself enjoy his time with his kids and how the days start rolling into one another like clockwork. He gets the kids up and dressed, they have a simple breakfast together, Claire and Ben get on their bus, Emma and Jack get dropped off at school, Cas gets to work on time, then there’s homework, dinner, and bedtime. It’s simple and easy. 

Until it’s not. 

Six days together and suddenly everything goes to shit. 

Claire, who’s been unnaturally cheerful the past few days suddenly flipped a switch. Her attitude is anything but respectful and she’s pushing his limits on what he’ll let her get away with. If it weren’t for the slammed car door, he might’ve let the frustrated toss of her backpack and shoes, slip. 

“Claire, get back here and pick up your stuff.” 

Her glare was lethal as she stomped back over to the door and yanked up her backpack, daring to turn away from him with an indignant huff. It was that sound that had him yelling after her: “Your shoes too! And for that attitude you’re clearing up dinner when we’re done” 

“Ugh! God! You sound like dad!” 

He might’ve been annoyed with that comment if at that same moment he hadn’t tripped on a large box on the floor. 

With an annoyed groan he shouted up the stairs, “Ben! You left your violin case down here.” 

“Just put it in my room!” His son shouted back. 

“It is _your_ responsibility to care for your instruments, not mine.” 

A few seconds later he had a huffing and puffing thirteen-year-old stomping down the stairs. 

“You need to be more careful with that. I almost tripped over it. Imagine if it were left open and got damaged. Violins aren’t cheap, Ben.” 

“Ehk.” His son made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. “You _do_ sound like dad.” 

Cas only just stopped himself from adding an additional chore to Ben’s list for the backtalk when his phone rang in his pocket. He didn’t even have a chance to check it before he was answering. 

“Hello?”

“Mr. Winchester?” 

“Yes?” 

“This is Miss Hart, Emma’s teacher.” 

“Oh, hello.” Cas knew he sounded anxious. He checked his watch quickly, hoping he hadn’t forgotten to pick Emma and Jack up, but a quick look said there was still almost an hour until pickup.” 

“I was trying to reach your husband but I couldn’t get ahold of him.” 

“I’m sorry, he’s out of town. Is there something I can help you with?” 

“Yes, actually. I was going through Emma’s homework folder and noticed it was incomplete. I spoke to Emma about it and she says that she didn’t know she had to finish all of it but per our behavior plan we set up last month, one of our goals was that Emma completes all of her work on time. I just wanted to call and see if there was any reason for this since it is the first time she’s forgotten since we came up with our new plan for her.” 

Dad guilt filled him to the core as he realized just how easily he’d brushed that plan off when Dean told him about it weeks ago. The thought of “Dean will handle it,” so clear in his mind that day. He hadn’t been able to make her parent conference because of an emergency surgery at the vet clinic and to be honest, he’d only half listened when Dean told him how it went. 

“I—I forgot that was one of her goals.” He answered honestly. “I didn’t realize that she hadn’t completed all of her homework this week. I’ve been helping my oldest with a school project and didn’t think to check Emma’s work. I’ll make sure it’s complete next week.” 

“Thank you for letting me know. Oh, and just a reminder, her reading log also needs to be signed by a parent each night as part of the completion points.” 

He only had a vague clue what any of that meant but made it a mental priority to have a talk with his youngest daughter about responsibility later that night. 

“Alright. I’ll remember. Thank you for calling.” 

“I’ll see you at pickup. Have a good day, Mr. Winchester.” 

“You as well, Ms. Hart.” 

Later in the car Emma swore up and down that she didn’t know she had homework, that she didn’t remember she had a reading log, and that she didn’t know she needed Cas to sign anything every night. 

He could hear the lies in just the pitch of her voice. 

Any and all confidence he’d had in handling these two weeks with his kids began to fizzle out that day. 

It only continued from there. 

“Jack, we don’t eat in the living room. You know that.” 

They’d been home for hardly fifteen minutes and somehow he’d already managed to miss his six-year-old getting into the pantry, taking out a bag of goldfish, and carrying it to the couch and promptly spilling at least fifteen pieces between the cushions. 

Jack seemed nonplused about the mess he was making. 

“Daddy does,” he argued back. 

“Daddy is a grownup and doesn’t drop his snacks on the couch. Pick them up.” 

“Later.” Jack waved Cas off, in a way so similar to Dean he almost laughed but it was no laughing matter. 

“Excuse me?” He asked, dawning his “serious” voice. 

“I’ll clean it later, Papa” 

“Now Jack.” 

The grating sound of his whine had the beginning of a migraine teasing at Cas’s temples. 

His phone rang once more. 

He gave his son a stern look, letting the kid know he meant business, and only answered the call when he saw Jack starting to pick up the crackers. 

“Hello?” 

“Hello is this Mr. Winchester?” 

“This is. Who’s calling?” 

“This is Rosalie from Joseph’s Pediatrics. We were unable to reach you earlier in regards to Jack Winchester’s appointment. Is 555-1313 still a good number for you?” 

Despite being in his late ( _late_ ) forties, Castiel still had never gotten the hang of talking on the phone strangers. And now two times in one day? He fumbled over his words a little and remembered, quite clearly, why Dean always handled these things.

“Oh, yes. That’s my husband’s number. He’s out of town this week and he doesn’t have service.” 

“Right, I understand.” The woman on the line had a pleasant voice but Castiel could tell she was as uninterested about Dean’s whereabouts as any other stranger would be. “Unfortunately, since we couldn’t reach you, it seems we’ve missed Jack’s appointment. Are you interested in rescheduling?” 

Pure annoyance flared up inside him again. _Of course,_ Dean would leave on a trip and not help Castiel be prepared for any of it. _Of course,_ he’d forget to let Cas know that Emma needed her homework signed, that Ben needed a sack lunch for his field trip, and that Jack had a fucking doctor’s appointment during the time he’d be away. 

Did his husband just not care? 

“When was it scheduled for?” He asked as politely as he could muster, knowing agitation was clear in his tone. 

“This morning at eight.” 

“I’m so sorry. Yes, I’ll—I’ll reschedule. Earliest available.” 

“Perfect let me look…” As she pulled up the doctor’s schedule, Castiel made it over to the kitchen where he kept the calendar. “Here we go, we have Monday February 4th at eight a.m. Will that work?” 

The calendar still said January. A quick look down at his watch told him the date was already February 1st. When had he forgotten to change the calendar? He usually kept it updated. 

“Wow, February already?” He flipped the page to the right month, scanning over the first few days and seeing… yup, Jack’s appointment was written right there. At least Monday was free. “Yes, that’ll work. Let me write that down.” 

“Perfect. I have you down for Monday, February 4th at eight a.m. we will see you then.” 

“Thank you.” 

Quickly he marked the new appointment down on the calendar before curiosity had him turning back to January. What else had he forgotten? Usually he kept their schedule organized, with four kids and two adults it was hard to remember who needed to be where on which days. Did they miss a play date? Did Ben or Claire have a school event they conveniently didn’t bother mentioning? 

Scanning the dates and his eyes finally fell on it. Right near the bottom, in his most decorative font, balloons and a cake surrounding it. 

It felt like a punch to the gut. 

“No. No, no, no, no, no.” 

How could he forget? 

How did he not bother to check the calendar for weeks? 

This wasn’t like him. He remembered these things. He held pride in the fact that he did something special for each member of his family on their birthdays because that’s the type of dad, the type of husband, he wanted to be. 

But he just forgot Dean’s? 

He knew he hadn’t been feeling like himself lately, more forgetful, more tense, but he didn’t think he was letting things slide that much. Yeah, maybe he and Dean weren’t exactly seeing eye to eye on things and Cas, admittedly, hadn’t been the best version of himself but to do this? 

Suddenly it made sense why Dean was gone, why two weeks in the forest sounded better than staying at home with Cas and the kids.

He heard the sounds of Jack whining Emma’s name, clearly in a disagreement with his sister and Castiel couldn’t find the energy to address it. 

The weight of the past few days, Dean being gone, the kids being kids, realizing he’d forgotten his husband’s birthday… all of it started to crush him. 

What kind of husband was he? 

Dean—the most important person in his life—had just had a birthday and Cas couldn’t be bothered to remember it? What had Dean even felt when he realized none of them remembered?

This was the man who took care of them, who cooked their meals, patched up their wounds, read their bedtime stories, held Cas when the days were too long, gave _everything_ of himself for them. Dean made them a family and what the hell was Cas doing? Just taking it for granted? 

Suddenly all he wanted was his husband. He needed to tell him how incredible he was and how much he loved him and feel Dean wrapped up in his arms. 

He had more than a week to go.

* * *

* * *

The kids didn’t get better but Castiel was trying harder. 

After spending the night tossing and turning, looking over where he’d gone wrong these past few months, he realized just how unfair he’d been to his husband. 

He knew he hadn’t been feeling normal as often and let that trickle into his marriage. Where he and Dean used to be equals when it came to parenting, Castiel just let Dean handle it all. It made sense at the time. Dean was with the kids more often than Cas was and when it came to discipline, they only seemed to take Dean’s word for it, so why should Cas try? And maybe it felt nice to finally not be the “mean” parent because he had to reinforce a consequence they tried to get away with. Why not just “let it slide” because it showered him with “you’re the best.” 

Why did he need to hear what their teachers said when they called? It wasn’t like the schools ever called Cas, no, Dean was always their first choice, Dean was always the one people went to when they had to reach out to a parent. Cas was always second choice, so why bother? 

He was second choice when the kids needed someone to lean on too. Yeah when they wanted to snuggle, he was a good pillow, but when they got hurt or when they were sad? It was Dean’s arms they always ran to. 

He realized now just how much he’d let it all get to him. 

He’d been feeling less and less like a valuable parent and he let it take over. 

Why hadn’t he just opened up to Dean about these feelings instead of keeping it bottled up? 

He had a week until his husband came home, and it might not be enough time to get back to where he had been before, but it was enough time to try. 

For the next few days, it was a struggle to get the kids to help but he managed to wrangle a few of them in. That night, Ben was helping cook and Emma was setting the table while Jack was in his room cleaning up his toys and Claire was… well, she was still being Claire. 

He climbed the stairs and headed towards her room, knocking politely a few times. 

“Claire, dinner.” 

A muffled, “I’m not eating,” is what he heard in response. 

“Claire, don’t do this. Just come eat.” 

“No! I don’t want to. Go away.” 

It was harder than he expected to respect her boundaries and not go in uninvited when she sounded like she’d been crying. It was something he and Dean struggled with often when she was upset with them over something. The attitude made it hard to grant her request of them staying out but they knew respect was necessary for her to let them in. 

Fighting his protective instinct, he stood outside the door and asked gently, “What’s wrong?” 

“Leave me alone!” she shouted back. 

“Honey, talk to me.” 

“Just leave me alone!” 

It pained him to hear her so sad and not wanting to go to him, but he didn’t want to push it. 

Granting her wish, he made it back downstairs to have dinner with the three kids who were currently still speaking to him.

* * *

* * *

The weekend rolled into another school week and Claire refused to come out of her room aside from going to school. It was the sound of her door clicking shut, once everyone was in bed and Cas was reading silently in his, that made him at least feel comforted knowing she was eating. He didn’t know what to do to get her to talk and he didn’t want to force her if she didn’t want to. He figured he’d just have to wait it out. 

By Monday afternoon Ben was also upset about something but he at least was socializing, though Cas could tell something was off. Especially with the way he kept antagonizing Emma fifteen times a day. He didn’t want to talk about it either. 

At least his youngest two weren’t making it more difficult. Emma was finally finishing all of her schoolwork and Jack was just being his cute little self. They’d even managed to make it to his doctor’s appointment, which went by without a hitch. They were even five minutes early thanks to Cas’s many reminders. 

He wasn’t surprised to hear Jack was healthy as can be with the way the boy was a wild thing at home and wanted to play every second of the day. It felt good to get to act goofy with his youngest but he had to figure out how to balance their playtime too when there was so much housework to catch up on. 

They had laundry to do and dishes to wash, the toys in the living room were getting out of control. There were crumbs in the kitchen and all over the floor, the bathrooms were filled with their clutter. The shoes in the hallway were now a massive mound and nearly everything in the house was covered in dust. 

And Cas was going to lose his mind if one of his kids took out one more thing that he’d _just_ put away. 

He didn’t know how Dean did it. Even though Dean only worked part-time now, with a few infrequent full days, Castiel couldn’t fathom how he got all this done with Emma and Jack acting like tornado impersonators. Especially with Claire and Ben pretending like the world was coming to an end when he asked for one single favor, _despite_ the fact that it was on their chore list. 

He started setting the rules a little more intently. By Wednesday he’d gotten the kids down to just a few grumbles before they started on helping with the housework after their homework was done. He knew they weren’t necessarily happy with him for it but he appreciated the help nonetheless. 

The house still felt off even though he and the kids were working together. It was like without Dean around their home lacked the same warmth they’d all grown accustomed to. Even the littlest ones were already itching for their daddy to come home. 

“When’s daddy coming back?” Jack asked sweetly as Cas tucked him in. 

“Soon.” He promised, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Jack smiled happily at his words. 

“Good I miss him.” 

“Me too.” 

“Imma give him the biggest hug.” 

The precious innocence of watching Jack pull his teddy bear to his chest and hug it tightly almost made Castiel ache for another baby… almost. He had to admit though, they had the cutest kids in the world and, no, he wasn’t being biased. 

“That’ll make him so happy.” He smiled down at his youngest wondering how in the world they got a kid so sweet. “Goodnight bumblebee. I love you” 

“Love you too.” 

He made sure Jack was tucked in, just the way Dean always did it, and clicked on the boy’s nightlight before going one room over to Emma’s. She was just at the cusp of not wanting to be tucked in anymore but not quite ready to give it up either. 

He draped her softest blanket over her and flicked on her nightlight, ready to tell her goodnight but her little voice cut him off before he could speak. 

“Papa?” 

“Yes, sweetheart?” 

Something sad reflected back in her eyes. 

“Daddy’s coming home… right?” 

It was the trace of vulnerability that had Cas’s heart crack open. His response came with no hesitation, making sure to wash away all her worries quickly. 

“Of course he is. He’ll be home Friday. Just two more nights.” 

“Okay.” 

“Were you worried?” 

She shrugged by way of answering letting him know everything she wouldn’t say. He scooted closer on her bed smoothed the hair out of her face. 

“Daddy’s coming home, I promise, and I know he’s missing you like crazy. He misses all of you. He loves you all so, so much. Just like I love you.” 

She nodded her head with conviction, trusting her Papa at his word. 

“I love you too.” She said with a smile. 

“Just a few more days, okay? Two more sleeps.” 

“Okay.” 

He kissed her forehead and double checked that she was truly tucked in. “Goodnight, sweetheart.” 

“Night, Papa.” 

He made his way out of her room and followed the loud thumping of speakers coming from his oldest son’s room. He knocked loudly enough to be heard over the music. 

“Ben?” 

“Yeah?” 

Cas peaked his head in to see his son laying on his bed staring up at the ceiling. 

“Can you please turn it down, love? Emma and Jack are in bed.” 

Ben’s face was so reminiscent of Dean’s as he pulled himself out of whatever deep thought he’d been in. He almost seemed surprised that his music had gotten so loud. Quickly he grabbed his remote and turned it down to a more manageable level. 

“Sorry Papa.” 

“It’s quite alright.” 

Ben was already in his pajamas but by the looks of it, was nowhere near ready for bed. As Castiel had suspected, something was bothering him. 

“Papa?” 

“What’s wrong?” 

He shuffled himself over towards Ben’s desk and turned the chair to face the bed. He didn’t have to wait long for Ben to open up to him. 

“Is it lame that I play violin?” He asked with a level of hurt in his voice. 

“What? Of course not. You’re so talented at it.” 

“But the boys at school keep saying that I’m not cool because I’m in orchestra and they don’t believe me that I play guitar too. I’d be cooler if I picked band instead.” 

The worry in Ben’s voice took Cas back to his own time in school where he’d been the oddball amongst the other boys. Where they had liked sports and video games, Cas had loved nature and books. He wished he had someone he could have talked to back then and he was so glad his son trusted him enough to talk to him about it. 

“Love, you picked orchestra because you love playing violin and you wanted the opportunity to have more solos, right? You are so incredibly fortunate enough to have the talent to play not one but two instruments both of which are, in my opinion, very cool. Just because those boys don’t agree with your choice in activity at school doesn’t make you any less amazing.” 

“I just don’t want them to make fun of me anymore.” 

He frowned thinking about all the harsh things the other kids at school might be saying to his child. Kids could be so cruel without any remorse or understanding for what the words that came out of their mouths could do to people. He understood it was more likely that Ben just wanted to share his problems with Cas more than he wanted his Papa to try and speak with the school about them, but he couldn’t help but feel protectiveness flair up inside him. He wouldn’t do anything until Ben asked him to though. 

With a gentle squeeze to Ben’s calf, he looked at the boy with sympathetic eyes, hoping Ben understood he truly was there for him. 

“I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s not fair, and if you need anything from me I’m here, okay? As for what they’re saying, I don’t think you should give up on something you love so much, but if you do choose to not participate in orchestra anymore, me and Dad will support you. Okay?” 

Ben sat there in thought for a moment before he shook his head. “I don’t wanna give it up.” 

“I’m glad.” 

“But what if… would it be dumb if I tried out for the talent show? Then I could prove to them I play guitar too.” 

He smiled kindly at his son, wishing he could tell him just how special he was and how anyone would be lucky to know him but Ben was so much like Dean that the compliment would just make him embarrassed. 

“I don’t think you need to _prove_ anything to them,” he explained, “but if you feel that would help them leave you alone, then I’ll be there cheering you on. Dad will probably be the one embarrassing you from the front row.” 

That made Ben laugh. 

“Thanks, Papa.” 

“Anytime.” Cas pulled himself up from the desk chair, groaning when his knees cracked. “Oof, I’m getting old.” His heart swelled hearing his son laugh once more. 

“Are you going to go to bed now?” He asked Ben before he headed towards the door. His son yawned through his answer. 

“I think so.” 

“Okay. Goodnight, love.” 

“Night. Love you.” 

“Love you more.” 

Three kids down and Cas finally made his way over to his eldest’s door. He knocked a few times knowing he wouldn’t get a kind response, or any response at all. 

Silence was his only answer. 

He wagered she was likely awake and spoke through the door, hoping she’d listen. 

“Claire, honey, I know you don’t want to talk but I’m here if you do, okay? I love you. Sleep well tonight. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

When no response came even a few moments later, he pulled himself away from the door and headed over towards his and Dean’s room. He shuffled into the bathroom and quickly got ready for bed feeling the exhaustion starting to catch up with him. 

Alone in their room Castiel crawled under the covers, pulling Dean’s pillow to his chest, breathing in the scent. Nearly twenty years together and the thought of having Dean in his arms was still a dream come true. It blew him away how deeply his love could still feel after all this time. 

Tears pricked the corners his eyes as he wondered if Dean even knew how loved he truly was. 

Did his husband feel how much they needed him? How just his presence alone made everything so much brighter, safer, and calmer? 

A dark corner of Cas’s mind filled with worry, telling him he hadn’t been keeping his promises. He hated that he might not be. One of his biggest struggles was not being able to forgive himself for his wrongdoings and he knew he was messing up so much right now.

Just like he had before. 

Even after nearly fifteen years of marriage, he sometimes found himself heartbroken over the year he spent without Dean. Yes, Dean would probably say Cas had more than made up for it years ago, but it’s never completely erased what Cas did from his own mind. 

To spend a whole year without Dean after thinking Dean had betrayed him, had fallen for someone else? To break Dean’s heart so deeply he wasn’t even certain if Dean would ever want to open his heart like that to him again? 

How could Cas ever completely forgive himself from that? He’d moved passed it, yes, but he could still remember it so clearly. And trying to pick up those pieces back then hadn’t been easy at all. 

He knows he should forgive himself; it was years ago and even Sam and Bobby had forgiven him not too long after the fact but Castiel worries if he completely forgives himself, he’ll somehow turn into that man again. The kind of man who didn’t fight for Dean, who didn’t trust his man loved him with the same ferocity Cas himself felt.

_“Do you really love him?” Sam had challenged, murderous eyes almost making Cas cower. He and Dean had been back together for months and yet Sam had refused to come around when Cas was there._

_It took showing up to Sam’s work and nearly forcing him to go to lunch with Cas in order to have this talk. He knew Sam was still angry and the man had every right to be. The way he described Dean’s grief during their breakup would have made anyone rightfully protective of their siblings, especially from the person who caused said heartbreak._

_“I love him more than anything.” Castiel promised, pouring his soul into the words._

_It didn’t seem to appease Sam._

_“How do I know you’re even telling the truth? Huh? You said these things before and then you walked out on him. I don’t trust you. I don’t believe you’re not just going to do it to him again when things get bumpy.”_

_Castiel nodded in understanding._

_“I don’t believe anything I say will get you to trust me again but it’s the truth. I love him more than I can explain and I’d lay my life down for him without hesitation. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what life throws at us. I intend to spend all of my life with Dean, so long as he’ll have me.”_

_“You broke his heart.”_

_He clenched his jaw, trying to stave off the emotion he was feeling._

_“I know. I made a mistake and I listened to people who didn’t have my best interest at heart. It was the worst decision I’ve ever made and I won’t ever forgive myself for it.”_

_“Good.”_

_There was heat to Sam’s words and it hurt more than Castiel could explain. He knew, someday Sam might come around, but at that time the thought of the one person Dean loved above all others not giving Cas his blessing… he worried that maybe Sam would be right._

_He knew he wouldn’t stop fighting for Dean though, no matter what. So, Sam had to accept him someday, right?_

_The hurt settled even deeper when Sam added, “I don’t think you’re good enough for him.”_

_That was enough to bring tears to his eyes. His voice broke as he replied, “I don’t either. But I love him. More than I could ever explain.”_

__

Even now those words sometimes swirled through his mind. 

Dean was _good._ He was beautiful, and vibrant, and made Castiel’s world so colorful and alive. The thought of ever losing him, or never hearing that sweet voice or breathing in that scent of home, squeezed the breath from his lungs. 

It had been the happiest day of his life when he finally got to say ‘I do’ to that man but the day Dean finally asked him… that was one of his favorites. 

_Dean had the box in the center of the table, sitting there like a velvet centerpiece. For a moment Castiel wondered if his boyfriend had simply forgotten to put it away. But why would Dean have taken it out in the first place?_

_Cas hadn’t even had a chance to set his stuff down before Dean was speaking to him, gruff determination in his voice._

_“I’m not giving you a chance to ruin this for me again so I’m just gonna spell this out loud and clear: I’m about to ask you to marry me so you’re going to sit your ass down and let me talk, capeesh?”_

_Cas was breathless with tears swarming his vision. His voice broke from the emotion that surged inside him._

_“Yeah, I capeesh,”_

_“Good.”_

_He allowed himself to be steered over to the kitchen table and pushed gently down into the chair. He didn’t care that he’d already started crying just looking at Dean dropping down onto one knee._

_Dean was almost stoic at first, as if he’d practiced these words over and over in his head and didn’t want to get a single syllable wrong, but Castiel could hear the thickness in his voice._

_“You’re my guy.” He stated, clasping Cas’s hands between his own. “Come hell or high water I want you by my side. I know we’ve been through a lot and we’re still figuring this out but I’ll never not want you. I want to be able to call you my husband and hear you say you love me for the rest of my life. I want to start a family with you and have obnoxious Christmases and I wanna take cheesy family photos and make breakfast with you on Sundays—so long as you learn how to crack a fucking egg.”_

_He paused for a second as they both let out half-laughs, half-sobs._

_“I just—I want forever with you. It’s as simple as that. Will you marry me?”_

Castiel doesn’t even remember if he’d actually ever said yes but somehow he wound up with a ring on his finger and the promise of a lifetime with his favorite person.

He found himself twisting his ring absentmindedly, wondering if Dean too still looked at it sometimes in awe, remembering that it meant they belonged to each other. Dean was _his._ How did he ever get so lucky? 

Even after all this time, even as they aged and Castiel formed wrinkles and his hair started to turn grey, somehow Dean still wanted him. Sometimes he couldn’t believe that someone as timelessly handsome as his husband could ever find Cas attractive as he grew older. He was insecure and feared for the day his love would no longer want him yet, to his core, he knew the way Dean looked at him had never changed. Even on their worst days, Dean still made Cas feel so desired. 

Castiel probably didn’t deserve him but somehow the universe, or God, or whatever higher being was out there seemed to believe he did. 

It was about time he let Dean know how incredible he made this life to live.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

It’d been a long two weeks but Dean was grateful for the time he got to spend with his brother. The little shit even seemed happy to have dealt with Dean actually breaking down and spilling all his ooey-gooey feelings. It’d been cathartic to get it all out there, to finally share the emotions he’d been bottling up and have someone help him navigate what to do with them. 

He can’t say he’s surprise just how understanding his brother was and how gentle he’d been when encouraging Dean to talk to Cas. 

Pride fills his heart seeing how far those two had come. If this had happened ten years ago, Dean isn’t so certain Sam would have said anything nice about Cas but hearing him reassure Dean just how much Dean means to Cas and their kids… it felt good. It made him desperate to be back home. 

He actually heaved a sigh of relief when he walked back into their house. It felt so good to be back inside these walls, the ones they’d created together when they were still so young and crazy in love. This home had given them so much and his whole being filled with warmth whenever he looked around at the space he grew his family. This was truly where his heart belonged. 

The kids were still at school as he put his stuff away and settled in. It’d be less than an hour before they got home. 

Glancing around he could tell that there’d actually been an effort to keep clean. He’d half expected to come home to a mound of dishes and his living room turned upside down. Instead, he felt almost happy to see the sparse crumbs on the counter and the disheveled pillows and blankets on the couch—evidence that his babies had been there. 

He didn’t know why he was feeling so sentimental but two weeks away was really doing him in. 

He’d had a lot to think about and a lot to reflect on in his time alone. Even though Sam was more than willing to be his sounding board, Dean wanted time to himself too. He’d spent a lot of time on walks through the woods and fishing at the small lake behind the cabin. 

It had felt so nice to have that time without the worries of the world. It’d been too long since he didn’t have to worry about dusting, or cleaning the crumbs off the floors, or getting his kids where they needed to be on time. He didn’t have to worry about bickering with Cas or finishing paperwork at work. He just had to worry about getting back to the cabin before dark. 

It’d been good, amazing even, for a while… until it just felt too quiet. He missed the constant chatter that filled his home and the late night talks he’d share with his husband once all the kiddos were asleep. He missed how things used to be when they’d all talk about their days, and the kids would ask to help with anything they were doing, and he and Cas would share the things that had been bothering them, late at night under the covers. 

They’d just lost that connection, that’s all, but he knew they could get it back. They were stronger than just a little hiccup. 

Tonight, he wanted to lay it all out there and make sure Cas was on board with them working out this small kink in their relationship. Dean honestly didn’t doubt Cas would agree. He knew Cas loved him more than anything. They were going to be okay. 

He waited impatiently for them to finally get home and probably checked the door fifteen times every minute. When it finally did open, he didn’t except the first thing to happen was his oldest to come running into the house, crashing into him with her arms tight around his waist.

“Kolten broke up with me.” She cried into his shirt. He hugged Claire back tightly, heart breaking at the sound of her shaky voice. 

“What? When?” 

“La—last week.” 

“Oh, Claire, I’m so sorry.” 

She sniffed loudly and clung that much tighter. This was her first boyfriend and though Dean and Cas didn’t think this boy was worth a second of her time, she’d fallen hard and fast. He hated that she was experiencing her first heartbreak and he hadn’t been here to help her when she needed him. 

“He said that I was too prude,” she cried. “He said he didn’t wanna date a girl who wouldn’t put out…”

“He said what?” Fury burned hot in his chest but he tried to reign it in for her sake. 

“And then I saw him kissing Jenna the other day. It’s—it’s only been a week and… and she was supposed to be my _friend._ What did I do wrong?” 

Gently he guided her over to the couch and pulled her back into a hug. He rubbed her back in small circles whispering calmly, “Nothing. You did absolutely nothing wrong.” 

He took his time just comforting her, letting her know how amazing she was and how Kolten with a K was a huge idiot for ever letting her go. 

His eyes locked with Cas’s when Dean finally looked up and saw his husband with a completely shocked and heartbroken look. It was reason enough to believe that their daughter hadn’t opened up to him about what had been going on all this time. Dean wasn’t entirely surprised as Cas hadn’t thought Claire needed to be dating at all, even though she was almost seventeen. He’d bet his money on the fact that Claire was scared her Papa would give her a bit of an “I told you so.” Still, Dean knew how fiercely Cas loved his babies and not being able to help her when she was probably so upset must have been shitty for him. 

With a frown he held out his hand, asking Cas to join them on the couch and transferred their daughter over to him with the promise of going to make them some hot chocolate. 

It wasn’t much longer after getting the warm drink into their hands that Claire started to feel less down. She even offered to help Dean get started on dinner as Cas went to pick up Emma and Jack. 

His heart nearly burst out of his chest with the enthusiasm he was greeted with when his youngest two came home. In a millisecond he was swarmed with hugs and kisses from Jack and Emma with a chorus of how much they missed him. Without missing a beat, the two of them jumped into a full-on synopsis of what they’d been up to since he’d been away.

It felt _so good_ to be home. 

Dinner at their round kitchen table brought the biggest smile to his cheeks. Watching his kids ramble on and on about their day and actually taking the time to listen to some of the things Dean and Sam had done over the past two weeks had been nice. He almost felt like he was looking at his family through a different light. He loved them so much more than he could even put into words and he was ready for them to work together to stay this way. 

Dean couldn’t miss the look in Cas’s eye from across the table. It seemed like he was also feeling how Dean was. They still hadn’t said much to each other since Dean had been home, aside from when the kid’s conversation forced them to converse with each other but they could both feel there was something brewing between them. A tension, an electricity even, that Dean was so ready to slice through… but he needed to get his husband alone first. 

Ben and Emma had offered to help with the dishes, much to Dean’s surprise, but he wasn’t going to turn that kind of help down. Jack was still at the kitchen table eating his third serving of pasta and Cas had asked Claire for her help upstairs though Dean didn’t know for what. 

Claire and Cas didn’t ever make it back downstairs but Dean didn’t think much of it. The emotional day Claire had, had probably taken a toll and he didn’t blame her if she wanted to probably hole up in her room for a little. And Cas was probably deep in a new book or something nerdy like that.

The ones he still had downstairs all decided they wanted to watch a movie once everything was cleaned up, so Dean snuggled up with them on the couch for a little while, up until they were ready for bed. 

He hugged his kids extra tight that night as he tucked them in and to his surprise, again, even Ben and Claire let him tuck them in. 

His heart felt fuller than in had in months. 

His smile was pinching his cheeks as he closed Claire’s door behind him only to come face to face with his husband in the hallway looking shy yet eager. 

“I have something for you.” 

Intrigued, Dean followed Cas into their room only to stop short when he looked at the sight before him. 

Their four-post bed had been decorated with sheets and twinkling lights that he knew came from Claire’s room. All of their hall closet blankets and pillows were perched on the bed, filling it up like a fluffy nest. Candles were lit around the room casting shadows all over the walls and soft music was coming in from their speaker. 

“Cas? What’s all this?” 

Dean could feel a thrumming in his chest as Cas reached his hand out towards him. 

“Come.” 

“Babe?” Dean asked again, not knowing quite what to say. He let Cas lead the way towards the fort on their bed and watched as Cas shuffled in between the pillows, opening his arms out towards Dean. 

“Come here.” 

Dean willingly fell into Cas’s arms, letting himself relax completely into the feeling of his cheek against Cas’s chest. 

“This is so sweet. Thank you.” 

“You deserved something nice to come home to.” 

He melted into Cas’s embrace, feeling so fortunate to have such a perfect night. 

“I love it,” Dean whispered, hoping Cas understood just how much this gesture meant to him. 

He felt Cas’s arms tighten around him as his husband breathed out the words, “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

“Dean…” Cas’s voice sounded frayed and Dean moved his head to peer up at the other man, frowning when he saw the tears in Cas’s eyes. There was no chance for Dean to ask what was wrong before Cas started pouring his heart out. “I love you more than anything in this universe. You know that, right? I still sometimes can’t breathe when I think about what you mean to me. How I am the luckiest man alive to have you love me too. I know I’m not perfect and I know I let too many things slide when it comes to the kids, and I might not be the husband you deserve but—I’m yours. You have all of my heart.” 

With just those words, he felt twenty-three again. Looking at this man who said such beautiful things, who made Dean feel like he was on top of the world, he felt like that young man who had fallen so head over heels in love with a stranger with a flat tire that he almost couldn’t breathe. Even after all these years Cas still loved him the same and it was a magical feeling. 

He didn’t know what to say. 

“Cas…”

A warm hand cradled Dean’s cheek and he leaned into the touch, letting Cas swipe away a tear that had escaped. 

“I’m so sorry I forgot your birthday,” Cas cried, “I’m so sorry I made you feel unloved, even for one moment. I never—I _never_ wanted you to feel like that. I’m sorry I haven’t been putting you first.” 

The words were everything he’d needed to hear but he knew Cas wasn’t the only one who needed to apologize. Dean had been just as equal in this slump between them. 

“I’m sorry too. For not asking to talk when we needed to and for letting us stew in these problems and hoping it’d get better on its own. I’m sorry that I haven’t been fighting for us too.” 

“We’ll do better,” Cas promised with conviction. Dean pulled him in for a kiss in response, savoring the taste of his love on his tongue. 

He pulled away a fraction of an inch. “Cas?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Can we make love tonight?” 

He could feel Cas’s smile against his lips as he said, “Yes.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Anything you want.” 

“You mean that?” It felt vulnerable to look up at Cas and ask that but Dean needed to know. 

“What do you mean?” 

Dean focused on the furrow in Cas’s brow as he let the question he’d been scared of fall from his lips, “The spark isn’t gone for you?”

Cas shook his head in confusion so Dean barreled on. 

“I—I… I’ve been worried you… I was worried you didn’t want me that way anymore because, you know what they say, eventually the spark fades and it’s not as exciting anymore. I just… I wasn’t sure. I thought maybe you were feeling like that too since we never...” 

“Dean…” 

“I knew you loved me—I know you love me,” he reassured. “I just… it’s still there for me and I… I’m not sure where you’re at.” 

Dean sucked in a breath when he was suddenly on his back with Cas crowding over him, his full weight lowering down atop him. 

“The spark is still there. It’s definitely still here. Oh, Dean.” Cas’s forehead came down to rest against Dean’s, their lips just barely touching. “I always want you. I swear. I look at you and feel the same way I did twenty years ago. How could I not when you still look like this after all this time? So perfect.” 

Dean blushed though he tried valiantly not to. “Babe.” 

He let Cas kiss him thoroughly before his husband continued to explain. 

“I don’t feel the same about myself though. I’m older. I’m greyer. I have wrinkles and joint pain and I know I’m probably not as sexy as I used to be. And it… it scares me that what you see might not turn you on like it used to.” 

He stared at his husband baffled at how he could ever think that. Of course, they weren’t as adventurous as they used to be, and yeah, he’d seen Cas’s naked body so much over the years that it didn’t rile him up with the same intense heat he’d felt when he was in his twenties. But for Cas to think Dean didn’t want him anymore was insane. 

It was different now than it used to be, sure. The feeling wasn’t as sharp and desperate as it once had been but, being with Cas now, everything just felt so much more. Now, he’s certain of the way Cas loves him, he’s positive that he can fall to pieces in Cas’s arms and his husband will catch every one of them. Now, he knows just how powerful it feels to be with someone he’s built a life with, how each kiss and touch is a promise of continuing their _lifetime_ together. Now, he’s sure that no one else could ever love him or want him in this same, perfect, way and he’s never been so in love. 

With those thoughts, he can’t resist pulling Cas down into a searing kiss, trying his damnedest to erase the worries from his husband’s mind. He refused to let Cas get far as they pulled away from one another. 

“Cas, all I want is you. I don’t care if you are the wrinkliest or greyest beast to ever live. I just want you. I want my husband to love me and touch me and take care of me. You will always be the sexiest person I’ve ever known, just because you’re mine. That’s not changing.”

“ _Dean._ ” 

The wobble in Cas’s lip had Dean pulling him close. “Shh. We’re okay. Come here. We’re okay.” 

They held onto each other for a while, just soaking in the feeling of being together like this after months of feeling isolated from one another but the need was still there. He relished in the way Cas’s lips found his neck, pressing wet opened mouth kisses up the side of it. Already Dean felt himself pulling at Cas’s shirt, needing more than anything to feel the warmth of his man’s skin on his. 

They fumbled a little as the extra pillows and blankets fell on top of them as they tried to shake their clothes free but the comedy of it had them giddy with laughter. 

This was his favorite way to be. Laughing and playing around like they were young and carefree again, so much more focused on kissing and connecting than anything else. He wanted to see the love in Cas’s eyes. He wanted to hear the adoration in Cas’s voice as they came together. He wanted to feel the warmth of Cas’s skin as he moved inside Dean’s body. 

Castiel never let him down. 

After taking his own clothes off, he worked on pulling Dean’s away, sitting Dean up and reaching his arms above his head, kissing all the way up Dean’s sternum as he inched the shirt up and off. 

With a gentle shove Dean flopped back down into their mound of pillows, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as Cas undid his jeans. 

“You and that lip.” Cas nearly growled. 

“You love it.” 

He knew from experience how it could rile Cas up and now was no exception. 

Dean’s eyes scanned over his husband lazily, loving the way Cas’s fingers trailed up and over his legs, bringing goosebumps to his skin from the tickling. It only took a few moments before Cas didn’t want to just explore the plains of Dean’s body. Quickly he hooked his fingers under the band of Dean’s briefs and released Dean from their confines. 

In a flash he had Cas’s body pressed back against his as they kissed. It was beautiful, the way they couldn’t keep their lips off one another. It felt so right to be back here again, so certain that nothing could come between them. It could have been hours later when Dean finally pulled away, nudging Cas playfully as he said, “Let’s get to the good stuff already.” 

“I was unaware this was the ‘bad stuff.’” 

“It’s alright,” Dean teased. 

“What do you suggest we do?” 

“Hmm… I’m thinking something along the lines of this—” He trailed off as his hand wrapped around Cas’s aching cock, eliciting the most delicious moan from his man. “—inside my ass.” 

Cas’s breath was shaky as Dean refused to let up on his strokes. Somehow the older man still managed to get out, “I think I can make that happen.” 

“Prove it.” 

In an instant Cas managed to flip Dean over to his stomach, trailing kisses down his spine right until he reached the rounds of his ass. Dean arched into the feeling of Cas trailing his tongue between his cheeks, loving that his man didn’t hold back from giving Dean what he wanted. 

Cas worked him just enough to get him wet enough to slip two fingers in and Dean was already seeing stars. He showered Cas with praise for the amazing things that tongue could do before he wiggled his hips to tell Cas they needed to get a move on with this. Never one to disappoint, Cas pulled away in order to reach towards their bedside table and grab their lube. Dean moaned into the pillow once Cas had shoved three fingers back inside him, loving the burn of the stretch. 

Knowing how much it turned Cas on, and being desperate enough for his man’s cock, Dean pushed back on the fingers inside him, willing his body to stretch out quickly so he could take what he needed. 

With a sharp slap on his ass, Dean pushed back even more as Cas lined himself up with Dean’s entrance. 

He waited until Cas was fully inside before yanking on Cas’s arm to get him to settle his body atop Dean’s, needing to feel the line of Cas’s body covering his and heat of Cas’s breath on his cheek. 

The thrusts like this weren’t as deep as they could be in another position but Dean didn’t care. He’d never not been satisfied with the way Cas could make him fall apart and now was no exception. Cas kept his movements sharp and fast, stealing the air from Dean’s lungs with every thrust. Dean was certain every word that came out of his mouth was muddled together with the pleasured whines that escaped him. 

Cas had never been much of a talker in bed except when Dean was getting close and since the man could read Dean’s body like a book it took him no time at all to realize when Dean was right at the edge. 

“Come on, baby. On your knees. Let me get my hand on you.” 

Dean followed Cas’s instructions mindlessly, pushing up onto his knees as Cas continued with his movements, only now his man’s hand wrapped around to tug on Dean cock just the way he liked. 

“Yes, yes, yes, yes…” he heard himself muttering, unable to say anything more. 

“I got you,” Cas promised into the curve of Dean’s spine. “That’s it.” 

Dean’s brain was filled with white noise as he chased the release he needed so bad. It felt like forever but surely didn’t take long before Cas was begging, “Come for me Dean.” 

And Dean did. No holding back, he let his body fall against Cas’s as the pleasure shook him to the core. 

Boneless, weightless, everything good that comes with the feeling of complete bliss… that was Dean. He flopped face first into the mattress, clenching his hole as Cas continued to pound into him, trying to encourage his man to come in the only was Dean could help with his limbs not moving. It wasn’t long before he felt the pulse of Cas’s length inside him and heard his name tumble from his husband’s lips. 

Perfection, sheer perfection was the feeling of Cas’s weight fully rested across Dean’s back. Delicious peace washed over him as they stayed connected and unwilling to move. 

“I missed you,” Cas whispered into the silence a few minutes after their breathing had evened out. Instinctively, Dean knew he meant more than just these past two weeks. 

“I’m missed you too,” he replied back softly, “but we’re here now. We’re okay.” 

They stayed just how they were for a few more minutes with Cas pressing the softest kisses up the base of Dean’s neck and down over his shoulder. When Cas was so worshiping like this it was hard for Dean to feel anything less than special, especially when his husband said the sweetest words such as now. 

“You’re my world. You know that, right?” 

Dean gripped that much tighter to Cas’s arms around him, never wanting to let go. 

“I do. And you’re mine.” 

Nothing felt better than being here with the love of his life, in their home, with their babies all sleeping soundly down the hall. There was nowhere Dean would ever want to be more, and for as long as he lived, he’d look back on this moment and remember all he had to fight for. 

Of course, they were going to mess up here and there because that’s what humans do. They were going to have days where they wondered why they even bothered because things were bound to get tough. They were going to break each other’s hearts every now and then just because it was hard to spend your life with someone without hitting a few snags along the way. But no matter what troubles they faced they were never going to love each other any less. Not when they knew all they would lose if they didn’t have each other. 

Love was hard but it was worth it, a hundred times worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never been in love with someone for nearly 20 years (or at all) but if I ever am fortunate enough to, I hope this is how it goes. 
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who has read this and especially to those who have been here since I posted He Wouldn't Be Gone. For everyone who left comments there asking for me to continue that story, this wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. I thought it was meant to be a one-shot story but I'm so glad I got to live with these guys for a little longer. I appreciate all of you so much. 
> 
> Also, if you haven't already seen it, I posted in my first Bang and I'm really, really excited to have been apart of it. I have also signed up for the Dean/Cas Big Bang and I'm optimistic that I'll be finished with that on time so be on the lookout for that sometime in the future. I'd love it if you'd read my [Reverse Bang](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19179343) and let me know what you think of it, and if you already have, thank you so much! 
> 
>  
> 
> <3 Paige 
> 
>  
> 
> If you're interested in any more of my works here are some Family Feels stories:  
> [He Didn’t Have to Be Series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/766410)  
> [There Goes My Life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12011787/chapters/27182904)  
> [Alright](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11589315/chapters/26046594)
> 
> And some angsty ones too:  
> [Don’t You Wanna Stay](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10634991)  
> [Too Damn Young](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16822756)


End file.
